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THE THOUSAND 
LEGGERS 

BY 

CATHERINE WINSPEAR MOSS 



The C. M. Clark Publishing Company 

Boston, Massachusetts 
1909 


Copyright, 1909 


BY 


The C. M. Clark Publishing Co. 
Boston, Massachusetts 
u. s. A. 

All Rights Reserved 


PRESS OF MURRAY AND EMERY COMPANY 
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS 


LJ3RARY of CONGRESS 
Two Cooics Received 


JUN 











Dedicated to My Mother 
MARIA WINSPEAR MOSS 


1 

I 











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« 






The Thousand Leggers 

CHAPTER ONE 

Thebe they all sat. Mr. Hezekiah 
Wigglesome felt a glow of pride as he 
looked at them, and chuckled to himself 
in much the same manner as a turkey 
gobbler. He was a tall, shiftless sort of 
man, who knew just enough to think 
he knew it all. Glancing at his nervous 
little wife beside him, he slipped his arm 
about her shoulders. 

Mrs. Wigglesome raised her meek, 
lamb-like eyes in appreciation of his 
thoughtfulness. She felt grateful when- 
ever Mr. Wigglesome paid her any 
attentions, regardless of the fact that 
such endearments were always public 
demonstrations. 

In front of them sat their eldest child, 
1 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Patrick Ebenezer. Dressed in a five- 
dollar baggy plaid suit, with a cap sev- 
eral sizes too small, he was vainly 
attempting to roll a cigarette. He had 
once seen the picture of a college youth 
engaged in this useful occupation, and 
ever since he had saved up to buy a 
similar outfit. His hands trembled, for 
in truth it was his first ride on the train, 
and he was conscious of his dudish 
appearance. 

Sitting with him was George Wash- 
ington, his sixteen-year-old brother. 
Doubled into an interrogation mark, he 
bit his nails, or furiously chewed his 
handkerchief, which formerly, by the 
by, had been a piece of a sheet. 

That sheet had been a good one, too, 
let me tell you. Mrs. Wigglesome 
remembered distinctly how her uncle 
in Susanna had sent it, with two pillow 
slips, for her own use, on her wedding 

2 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


day. She had intended to use them, 
but Mr. Wigglesome declared sheets 
were a luxury and they must put it 
away. Very carefully, therefore, she 
had folded it up, laying it on a dresser. 

There it had lain, year after year, 
until the twins were born. In some 
way or other their eyes seemed to spy 
that sheet the minute they came into 
this world. When old enough to walk 
they would toddle over to the dresser, — 
a dry goods box covered with oil-cloth, 
— and gaze longingly at it. Many a 
time their chubby hands had been 
slapped for daring to attempt to reach 
the precious article. 

One day, on the twins’ tenth birth- 
day, they were able at last to smuggle 
the sheet out into the barn. With a 
yank it was divided. Gleefully they 
robed themselves in it, proudly strutting 
over the barn floor, when suddenly they 

3 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


were seized by their austere parent. 

Their punishment was swift and 
sure. They were banished from the 
festal board, and for several days ate 
off a shelf fixed for their own immediate 
use. 

Oh no, the sheet wasn’t thrown away. 
One half was made into the cutest dress 
imaginable for the eldest daughter, 
while the other half was cut up into 
handkerchiefs. This had happened 
four years ago, and each member of the 
family still had those handkerchiefs. 
You see they needed them only when 
they went to meeting or funerals. 

Patrick Ebenezer rudely snatched 
the chewed corner from his brother’s 
mouth. 

“ George Washington, I should think 
you’d be ashamed of yourself. You 
know you won’t get any more when this 
one gives out. Brace up, old boy. Be 
4 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


a man. Just look at me,” and he 
proudly expanded his chest. 

“Gosh, Patrick Ebenezer! To hear 
you talk one would think you were 
Uncle Benjamin Otto Prig, instead of 
a fat little runt.” 

“ Shut up, you lean, ungainly spindle- 
legs!” snapped Patrick Ebenezer. 

George Washington shuffled his feet, 
as any reference to his lanky length 
made him more self-conscious than 
ever. He stopped suddenly and fell to 
chewing his nails again, for a look across 
the aisle chilled him. 

Calm and dignified, Mayeah Etheah 
Agethah, a brown-eyed, dark-haired 
miss of twenty, eyed him scornfully. 
Heedless of her pretty face and the 
brilliant possibility of her eyes, she 
willingly assumed the cares of the 
world on her shoulders, — that is, of the 
Wigglesome world. She felt it her 

5 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


duty, as it was likewise her inclination, 
to correct them all, except possibly 
Patrick Ebenezer, who had a way of 
letting her understand that he was two 
years her senior. 

As for Isabella Carolina, her pretty 
eighteen-year-old sister, she scolded her 
on the rules of etiquette until Isabella 
Carolina lost control of her temper. 

Isabella Carolina was different from 
Mayeah Etheah Agethah in that she 
realized just how pretty and attractive 
she was. She had no intention of 
becoming an old maid. No, indeed, 
not while there were so many good-look- 
ing men on earth. She smiled and 
flirted with this one and that one, 
regardless of her old and faded calico 
dress. “Anyhow,” she thought, “my 
dress looks as well as Mayeah Etheah 
Agethah’s silk that has been an heir- 
loom in the family for ages.” 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


It kept Mayeah Etheah Agethah busy 
eying the twins, Belshazzar Alexander 
and Gulliver Munchausen, in the seat 
ahead. Several times they ran down 
the aisle and bumped into the con- 
ductor. He certainly would have boxed 
their ears had he not been so young and 
at that minute distracted by Isabella 
Carolina’s tender glances. 

Upon the front seat sat Gwendolyn 
Matilda Jerusha, her baby hands 
clasped in her lap, while her big blue 
eyes danced to see the trees go whizzing 
by. Every now and then a childish 
lisp bubbled out with her laughter. 
One forgot the fantastic dress of green, 
and the patched blue sunbonnet on her 
yellow curls, and longed to kiss the 
dimpled mouth. 

Her brother. No Name, was by her 
side. Mr. and Mrs. Hezekiah Wiggle- 
some had realized the responsibility of 

7 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


naming the children. When the last 
boy arrived they, after many long and 
serious consultations, decided to allow 
the lad to name himself. Thus he grew 
from year to year without a name. 

He was twelve, two years younger 
than the twins. He thought he knew 
as much as they did, but on this point 
they differed decidedly. They would 
not permit him to join in their sports; 
in fact, no one wanted him except 
Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha. But he 
scorned her companionship because she 
was a girl and only five years old. 
Bumpo, his three-legged dog, was his 
only friend. He felt as if every one else 
had a place but he, and that it was 
because he had no name. His tousled 
red hair hung carelessly over his freck- 
led nose and surly face, on which rested 
a perpetual frown. 

Suddenly the peaceful atmosphere of 
8 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


the train was disturbed by Belshazzar 
Alexander. With a yell he grabbed 
Gulliver Munchausen by the hair. A 
fight followed, during which the huge 
patches on two pairs of pantaloons were 
the most noteworthy phenomena. 

Mayeah Etheah Agethah sat aghast 
to think they dare disobey her in such 
manner. With a rush the Wiggle- 
somes all made for the twins. It 
might have been taken for a football 
game had it not been for the long, over- 
ailed legs of Mr. Hezekiah Wigglesome 
waving frantically in the air. 

In the rear of the car a prosaic old 
preacher, Mr. Harry Diesoon, of the 
Glory Hallelujah denomination, had 
been awakened from his prayers for a 
safe and peaceful journey. Striding up 
the aisle, his hands tingling with the 
desire to warm his palms on the twins’ 
private property, he exclaimed: 

9 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“Do you young scapegoats know 
where you will go ?” 

“Huh,” cried Gulliver Munchausen, 
giving his brother another punch, “I 
don’t give a cuss, we’ve got a round 
trip ticket.” 

Just then the train whistled for 
Susanna. In his excited haste Mr. 
Wigglesome neglected to punish the 
twins. 

“Here, here, Patrick Ebenezer,” he 
cried in the tone of voice he used to call 
the cows home at night, “assist your 
pretty sister, Mayeah Etheath Agethah, 
off the car. George Washington, you 
look after Isabella Carolina, and ’twixt 
you and me and the gate-post if you 
don’t stop chewing your hat you’ll go 
bare-headed. 

“Belshazzar Alexander and Gulliver 
Munchausen, step right lively now up 
into line, or you’re likely to get left 

10 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


behind. We’ve only got half an hour 
before this consarned old train pulls in. 
Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha, bring 
along your blind-eyed cat and come to 
pop’s arms. 

“Here, No Name, you sulky good-for- 
nothing, pick up that dog and get in 
front of me. Now Mrs. Annette Prig, 
my dear wife and helpmate, you step up 
by No Name. Hold fast to that parrot. 
Madam, or some one may rob you. 
We’ve read how thieves pick pockets. 
Gosh! I hope they don’t meddle with 
that fifty in my hip pocket. 

“ Belshazzar Alexander, have you and 
Gulliver Munchausen that box with the 
pig? All right, hold on to it tight. 
Now we’re all ready, and we’ll be the 
first off the car at Susanna.” 

Hanging on to one another, clasping 
tightly their priceless belongings, the 
Wigglesomes stood in the aisle ready 

11 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


to take their departure, much to the 
amusement of their fellow passengers. 

In truth they formed a queer-looking 
group. Oddly dressed in garments of 
many styles and colors, they seemed 
unconscious of the attention they were 
attracting, that is, with the exception of 
Patrick Ebenezer. With his short, fat 
form drawn to its fullest height and 
chest expanded, he steadily viewed the 
passing scenery. But in truth he was 
not thinking of what he saw. He was 
thinking of the admiring glances all the 
women must be casting at him, and of 
how villainously hard hearted he was 
not to bestow on them even so much as 
one look. Cruel Patrick Ebenezer! 


12 


CHAPTER TWO 


The new home of the Wigglesomes 
was situated in the center of Susanna, 
a very aristocratic village of about a 
thousand inhabitants. Mr. Hezekiah 
Wigglesome had moved to town from 
his ten-acre farm down in Hiram 
County, for the purpose of educating 
his children, and incidentally to run a 
grocery store. If the truth must be 
told, his desire to move was awakened 
by an article he had read in a paper 
tied around an empty whiskey bottle, 
found one morning on the road. 

The paper stated that wives of farm- 
ers were more apt to become insane than 
any other class of people. That very 
evening he began to observe his wife’s 

13 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


actions closely. Sure enough, he dis- 
covered that she was becoming queer in 
many ways. Although he was a big 
husky man of six feet two, and his wife 
but five feet three, he was greatly 
alarmed at his sudden discovery, and 
trembled for his life. 

Calling Patrick Ebenezer to the barn 
he confided his discovery and fears. 
For a long time Patrick Ebenezer had 
been fired with the ambition to leave 
the farm and become a city gentleman. 
He seized this opportunity, declaring 
that his views coincided perfectly with 
those of his father, and proposed that 
they move to town. As that was ex- 
actly what Mr. Hezekiah Wigglesome 
desired to do, he eagerly consented, and 
began preparations by giving away his 
cows to a passing neighbor. 

Mrs. Wigglesome had read the same 
article, and had become convinced that 


14 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


her husband was crazy, the cow trans- 
action strengthening her opinion. She 
and Mayeah Etheah Agethah held a 
serious and long consultation out at the 
pigpen, and agreed that the wisest plan 
was to humor Mr. Wigglesome and 
move to town. Besides it had occurred 
to Mrs* Wigglesome that she must make 
an effort to marry off her two handsome 
daughters before they lost their good 
looks. 

That is how it all came about. 

The first night spent in their new 
home was one to be long remembered. 
Mrs. Wigglesome and Mayeah Etheah 
Agethah had been down the week before 
and set the ' furniture in place. Com- 
pared with the dilapidated old farm- 
house the little frame cottage, at the 
side of the store, seemed a palace. Late 
into the night they planned and they 
schemed about the gay social time they 

15 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


would enjoy in such a large place. 

Early the following morning, after 
a warning lecture from each member 
of the family not to get lost, Patrick 
Ebenezer set out to seek his fortune. 
The Wigglesomes each found some- 
thing to their liking to occupy the day, 
except Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha. 

She felt lonesome without the piggies 
and chickies to play with. Toddling 
out into the side yard she espied an 
opening in the high fence that sur- 
rounded the yard. She peeped through. 
On the other side a little boy, dressed in 
white, stood digging in a sand hill. 

“ He’oo!” she called by way of intro- 
duction. 

“Come on over,” the boy answered, 
looking up. 

She slipped through the fence, shyly 
advancing to the sand hill. The boy 
went on digging in silence. When she 

16 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 

was quite near she sat down waiting for 
him to speak. 

“A’nt you doin’ to tuk tu me?” she 
asked, tears coming into her eyes. 

“What’s your name?” He glanced 
at her, then vigorously made the sand 
fly in all directions. 

“ Why I don’ know. What’s yu’rn ?” 

“Oh, mine,” he dropped his spade. 
“Why my name is Master Richard 
Stone. I am seven years old and next 
week I go to school, and my papa’s the 
richest man in town, and when I get big 
and growed up I’m going to have lots 
and lots of money, and I just got a new 
baby brother that’s the nicest one in 
town and can yell almost as loud as me. 
Once I pinched his little stomach, like 
girls do their dolls, to see if it could talk 
but it only hollered louder than ever. 
And when I am a man I will get 
married.” 


17 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha listened 
in amazement. A baby brother that 
could holler when you squeezed its 
stomach! What a nice plaything, so 
much nicer than a blind-eyed cat. She 
sighed and wished she were a little boy. 
Then an inspiration came to her. 

“Say, ’ittle boy, when’s yu’se dows 
up will you mar’y me ?” 

“I don’t know,” he looked at her 
thoughtfully. “ Maybe I will and may- 
be I won’t.” 

“But I’se p’etty, — every one says I 
is,” she sobbed. 

“ Well don’t cry, and perhaps I will.” 

Suddenly the boy burst out: 

“ I know now what your name is. I 
almost forgot. I know what your papa 
and mamma and you all is named. 
My mamma told me last night. You 
must be the thousand leggers.” 

“No, that aint it,” and she shook her 


18 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


head. “ De t’ins tol’ me it’s somepin’ 
’ike dis,” and she wiggled her fingers 
to and fro. 

“No ’taint either,” he cried hotly, 
“ and if you say it is I never will marry 
you, so there, Miss Know All.” 

Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha sighed 
and wearily clasped her hands in her 
lap like she had seen her mother do 
when too tired to argue with her father. 
Before she could explain further a voice 
was heard calling her. She smiled at 
the little boy, with her finger in her 
mouth, and slipped back through the 
fence. 

The family was assembled around the 
kitchen table eating its noonday meal. 
She quietly took her place and began 
eating her dinner when the twins let out 
a yell. 

“ Hello there, sis, how’s your beau ?” 
jeered Gulliver Munchausen. 

19 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“Did he kiss you?” teased Bel- 
shazzar Alexander. 

“ No he didn’t, but we’se ’ngaged an’ 
we’se love e’ch ofer very much,” she 
explained. 

The whole family roared at her con- 
fession. Her heart was broken. Slid- 
ing out of her chair she flew to her 
mother. 

“Oh, Mamma, Mamma,” she sobbed, 
“ he’s dot a baby brofer an’ he says ’at 
when you pinch its ’ittle tummy it 
hollers. I want one like his’n. I — I— 
oh, I’d be willin’ tu even tak’ a damaged 
one.” 

Another boisterous uproar followed 
her words. She was unable to endure it 
longer and fled from the room. 

Mr. Wigglesome winked at his wife. 

“I’ll be blowed if she can’t beat all 
the other kids in town!” 

“Oh, darn a baby!” blurted out Bel- 

20 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


shazzar Alexander, for he was seized 
with the sudden fear of an extended 
relationship. 

Mayeah Etheah Agethah led the way 
into the parlor at the close of dinner. 
Seating the Wigglesomes in a semi- 
circle, she stood before them with a very 
important air. Raising her hands up- 
ward she called for silence. Anxiously 
they waited for the mystery to be un- 
folded. 

“We, the Wigglesomes,” she began, 
“ have moved from the country and are 
now city ladies and gentlemen. We 
have every reason to be proud of our- 
selves, for there is not a family in this 
town that can boast of so many and 
such clever children. We must show 
this city what we can do. Let us un- 
furl our banners until we lead and 
others follow. 

“Patrick Ebenezer, I am proud to 
21 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


proclaim, has secured a position as 
clerk at a sody fountain. You all real- 
ize what an influential and dignified 
place that is. It is necessary — George 
Washington, sit up straight on that 
chair! — it is necessary, his assistant 
says, — he’s the man, by the way, who 
owns the store, — for Patrick Ebenezer 
to wear white coats. Now I have do- 
nated my white dress to be made over 
into one. As for the others, I am going 
to ask each one of you to give up his 
handkerchief.” 

A serious look stole over the faces of 
the Wigglesomes. It meant giving up 
their sole luxury. But then, as Bel- 
shazzar Alexander observed, society 
folk did not go much to meeting and 
they wouldn’t have time to attend 
funerals, so the discussion ended. 

During the next few days each mem- 
ber of the family chose a profession. 

22 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Patrick Ebenezer was to be a wholesale 
soda-water man. George Washington 
felt sure he was destined to become 
President of the United States. Bel- 
shazzar Alexander decided he was best 
fitted to be a gentleman of leisure, while 
Gulliver Munchausen chose law. 

As for the girls, their ambition was to 
marry and be able to give parties and 
balls. 

No one took the trouble to ask No 
Name what he cared to become. And 
it fell to him, in the most natural way, 
to chop the wood, carry in the coal or 
run all the errands while the twins were 
at play. 

The novelty of keeping store soon 
wore off, and Mr. Hezekiah Wiggle- 
some informed his wife that the close 
confinement would kill him. She was 
too wise to tell him the truth or accuse 
him of laziness. She had not lived 


23 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


with hi m twenty-three years not to 
know silence is more often golden than 
speech is silver. 

Mayeah Etheah Agethah did not 
have time to help in the store. She was 
either busy planning for the future or 
mending the boys’ breeches. Isabella 
Carolina, who refused to do any of the 
patching, preferred to tend the store. 
It gave her an opportunity to flirt 
occasionally. 

Mr. Hezekiah Wigglesome was now 
free to sit around in front of the saloons 
and crack jokes with the loafers, or 
boast of the accomplishments of his 
family. 

“Why,” he often said, “just look at 
my Mayeah Etheah Agethah. She’s 
smarter than any gal in town. Her 
cakes just beat angels’ cakes all to 
pieces. Then there’s Isabella Carolina. 
Aint she pretty though, boys? Just 

24 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


you fellers come around and I’ll intro- 
duce you to her. She’d make any man 
a corking good wife. 

“ My, my, but I feel proud of Patrick 
Ebenezer. You fellers just hold your 
horses and watch that young feller. 
He’ll be a rich man some day. As for 
George Washington, why all the gals in 
this here town are crazy after him. 
Cute ? Wall, I should snicker he was. 
He doesn’t seem to notice them. 

“Next comes my twins. They be 
the best boys ever bom. Some day 
they will be the leading evangelists 
of the country. Did you ever notice 
Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha? Mr. 
Stone’s little boy hangs ’round her all 
the time. Came over first time he seed 
her and asks her to marry him.” Here 
he would roar with laughter, and puff 
vigorously at his pipe, with an air of 
great self-complacency. 

25 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Once an outsider asked about No 
Name, but Mr. Wigglesome permitted 
the question to pass unheeded. 

No Name, poor little fellow, could 
find no better place for himself in the 
new home than he had had in the coun- 
try. To be sure the town was filled 
with boys of his age, but, led on by the 
twins, they twitted him about his red 
hair and freckles. He thought no one 
wanted him because he had no name. 

One afternoon, followed by Bumpo, 
he started out in search of a name. 
Wandering out of town he strayed into 
the village graveyard.' Carefully he 
searched the tombs until, to his joy, he 
spied a name that suited his fancy. 

He copied it on a piece of paper and 
concealed it in his cap. At last he had 
a name. He would never, never tell 
any one what it was until he became a 
man. 


26 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Happier than he had ever been before 
he ran home, feeling that at last he had 
a place in the world and a name like 
other boys. 


27 


CHAPTER THREE 


Mr. Archie Lock, the new teacher 
of the village school, arose from his desk 
and rapped loudly for order. Before 
him thirty or forty childish faces were 
upturned to meet his gaze. As he was 
about to speak the door opened, and in 
rushed the Wigglesomes, pell-mell. 

First came the twins, in nankeen peg- 
top trousers, followed by George Wash- 
ington, who stumbled across the floor 
and flopped into the first empty seat. 
Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha, her hair 
neatly curled and tied with a string, 
next entered. Behind the others lagged 
No Name, with Bumpo. 

The procession caused a titter to pass 
over the room. Mr. Lock smiled in 


28 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


spite of himself. He had heard of the 
Wigglesomes, in truth they had become 
a very notorious lot, and were much 
discussed, — the twins more often with- 
out the “dis,” — in every home in 
Susanna. Frequently he had hoped 
that they did not care for education. 
But there they were, clean and fantastic. 

Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha had 
never before been to school. She 
leaned against the wall, her finger in her 
mouth, not knowing what to do. Tears 
came into her eyes and she wanted to 
run home. As she turned to flee she 
met Master Richard Stone’s eyes, which 
were coldly surveying her. With a 
broad smile of recognition she ran to his 
seat and lisped: 

“P’ease, ’ittle boy, a’nt yu’se doin’ 
to mar’y me ?” 

Master Richard hung his head in 
embarrassment at the general laugh. 

29 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Quickly turning in his seat he opened 
his book and began to study earnestly, 
regardless of the fact that it was upside 
down. 

Mr. Lock called her to his desk. He 
liked her immediately, and smoothed 
her pretty curls. 

“Don’t cry, little girl,” he spoke 
soothingly. “ Master Richard didn’t 
mean to be rude. You see this is 
school and the children are forbidden to 
speak to one another. Now, little girl, 
you must learn to do as they do. See, 
each pupil has a seat to himself. I 
am going to give you the one across 
from Master Richard. You must not 
talk to him, but be very good and study 
hard.” 

“But — but p’ease. Mister Man,” 
sobbed Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha, 
“ ’at ’ittle boy said he’d mar’y me, cause 
we’se ’ngaged. An’ he’s dot a baby 
30 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


brover ’at hollers when yu’se pinch its 
’ittle stomach, an’ I wants one to p’ay 
wif. Aint yu’se dot none fo’ me?” 

Mr. Lock joined in the laugh and 
drew her to him. He was about to 
explain school the second time, when 
the twins let loose. 

“You old son of a gun,” yelled Bel- 
shazzar Alexander, pounding Gulliver 
Munchausen’s head, “I got it first. 
Get out, I say, get out.” 

“ Go to the devil,” calmly responded 
the other future saver of souls, “ or I’ll 
send you.” 

Mr. Lock strode down the aisle, 
grasping one of them in either hand. 

“What does this mean, you young 
heathens,” he said as he shook them. 

“That’s my seat and I’ll have it too,” 
sulked Belshazzar Alexander. 

“ ’Taint neither,” screamed Gulliver 
Munchausen, “it’s mine, I say.” 

31 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“Neither one of you shall have it.” 
Mr. Lock dragged them to his desk. 
“You,” he pointed to Belshazzar Alex- 
ander, “ will stand all day in that corner, 
and you,” to Gulliver Munchausen, 
“ will stand all day in that one. One 
word out of you and I’ll warm you well. 
Do you boys understand ?” 

“Nope,” Belshazzar Alexander re- 
sponded, “I stand on top,” and he 
arrived in his corner several minutes 
sooner than he had anticipated. 

Mr. Lock glanced around the room, 
calling the school to order once more, 
when he spied No Name sitting on the 
coal box, his arm about his dog. Over 
in the corner near the door sat George 
Washington, his feet sprawled out into 
the aisle. 

Mr. Lock motioned the two boys to 
his desk to inquire what their names 
might be. 


32 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


No Name reached the desk first. 
George Washington always had a time 
getting anywhere. First he stumbled 
over the floor on his way up the aisle, 
sprawling out at full length. In his 
frantic efforts to rise he bumped into a 
desk, sending a bottle of ink into a girl’s 
lap. Next he tripped over the front 
bench, finally arriving at the desk, pant- 
ing and biting his nails. 

Mr. Lock’s heart sank within him. 
If the Wigglesomes remained in his 
school he vowed the board would have 
to raise his salary. 

“I asked you your name,” he said 
angrily to No Name, who sulkily eyed 
him. 

“Aint got none,” was the laconic 
reply. 

“None of your cheek now, or I’ll 
thrash you well.” 

“ Well, I aint got none.” 

33 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“Oh no, dear teacher,” piped Gulli- 
ver Munchausen sweetly, from his 
corner, “he aint got no name so that’s 
what we call him. 

“You see, when pop and mom named 
all us kids, we each was called after 
what we was to be. Now pop says 
Belshazzar and me are to be sky pilots. 
George Washington,” he pointed his 
finger as he spoke at the boy, who 
shuffled from one foot to another, “ is to 
be President of United States. And, oh 
yes, Mayeah Etheah Agethah, my sis- 
ter, is to marry you. 

“ Oh you needn’t turn red like a tur- 
key gobbler, ’cause she watches you pass 
the house every morning and evening. 
I heard her tell mom you were rather 
infernal in your way of noticing her, 
and pop he was tickled plum silly. He 
says when a gal sets her cap for a feller 
he’s just the same as gone. That’s the 

34 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


way mom got him, he says, and to hear 
Mayeah Etheah Agethah talk, I guess 
it’s a sunbonnet she’s set for you and — ” 

“Shut up,” angrily exclaimed Mr. 
Lock. 

“Pigeons, pigeons, pigeons in his 
belfry,” cried Belshazzar Alexander, 
dancing a jig on the floor and tapping 
his head. 

Mr. Lock turned from Gulliver Mun- 
chausen to Belshazzar Alexander. His 
temper was thoroughly aroused, and he 
determined to teach the twins a few 
things not down in the regular cur- 
riculum. Grasping Belshazzar by the 
coat collar he was about to administer 
a sound chastisement when Gulliver 
Manchausen vigorously applauded, — 

“ Go it some. Mister. Pull the bark 
out of him.” 

The pupils held their breath. Unlike 
Mr. Lock they were enjoying the situa- 

35 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


tion, when in walked Isabella Carolina. 

“ Good morning, Mr. Lock,” she 
smiled. 

Mr. Lock loosened his grasp on Bel- 
shazzar Alexander’s coat and came for- 
ward. He was- just the age to appre- 
ciate a pretty girl when he saw one and 
he liked to see them rather frequently 
too. It was incredible to think that 
such boys had such a sister. He knew 
she was their sister, as Gwendolyn 
Matilda Jerusha had run to her imme- 
diately. 

“Good morning, Miss — ”he hesi- 
tated. 

“Miss Isabella Carolina Wiggle- 
some,” she responded. “I have come 
over to school this morning to explain 
what course of study we desire each 
child to take.” 

She sank into the chair he offered her, 
while he drew one up near to hers. 

36 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“Now, Mr. Lock,” she smiled and 
smoothed her hair, “first comes this 
dear pet, Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha. 
Please don’t force her to study too hard. 
As for George Washington, well you 
see we have great hopes for that boy’s 
future. He is such a genius. Then 
there’s the twins. Don’t you think 
them cute, Mr. Lock?” 

Mr. Lock did not reply, for at that 
minute he caught the wicked twinkle 
in Belshazzar Alexander’s eyes. 

“You see, Mr. Lock,” and she patted 
her faded calico dress, “ we have set our 
hearts on their becoming ministers. 
They seem to be leaders with the 
town boys, and they might do so much 
good.” 

“Yes, they might,” he answered 
grimly, casting a frown across her 
shoulder to Gulliver Munchausen. 

“You still have another brother. Miss 

37 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Wigglesome. Shall I make a com- 
mercial traveler or a millionaire out of 
him?” 

“Oh,” she arose and shrugged her 
shoulders, “it doesn’t make a bit of 
difference about No Name. He’s so 
different from the others, we never 
bother about him, you know.” 

JsTo Name had overheard her last 
remark. He couldn’t understand what 
made his heart feel so heavy, just as 
though it were sinking clear down to his 
toes. But then he never tried to an- 
alyze his feelings. He knew his heart 
had often felt that way before. Un- 
consciously his hand stole out toward 
Bumpo. Bumpo was a wonderful dog; 
he seemed always to know just how a 
fellow felt. 

After Isabella Carolina had left, Mr. 
Lock turned to where No Name sat 
hugging his dog. He no longer won- 

38 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


dered at the boy’s sulkiness and sad 
countenance. 

“Never mind, my lad,” and he laid 
his hand on No Name’s head, “I under- 
stand, and I am sure we shall be 
friends.” 

An incredulous look came over the 
boy’s face. Could the teacher mean 
he cared for him? Oh, could it be 
true? He drew away, half in fear, 
half in amazement. No one had ever 
spoken like that to him before. 

Mr. Lock nodded knowingly to him 
and smiled. 

Strange, No Name thought, but that 
terrible heaviness around his heart was 
gone. He would work hard and study 
to be a man just like his teacher. 

Bumpo looked up and wagged his 
tail. Again he seemed to understand. 


CHAPTER FOUR 


Sunday morning was bright and 
clear, to the joy of the Wigglesomes for 
they were all going to church. Dressed 
in their best clothes, the same that they 
had worn on the train, they sat in the 
parlor awaiting the entrance of Mayeah 
Etheah Agethah. 

Finally she came in, rustling her silk 
skirts as much as possible, but the con- 
stant rustling by previous generations 
had lessened their power to make a 
sound. She bade them form a circle 
about her. Calmly she faced them and 
raised her hands for silence. Then she 
opened the Bible she held. 

“I have discovered,” she explained, 
“from philosophical observation, that 

40 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


either to enjoy or appreciate anything 
the mind must be in corresponding har- 
mony. Therefore, since we are about 
to wend our way to church, I will read a 
chapter from Numbers, as there are so 
many of us.” 

In her most solemn voice she pro- 
ceeded to read. At the close of the 
chapter she called on Patrick Ebenezer 
to lead them in prayer. 

Patrick Ebenezer bowed his head, 
and as he could think of nothing to say 
he mumbled a few unintelligible words 
to himself, something about Nancy, 
while the family stood in awed silence. 

A brilliant idea had come to the twins 
during the prayer, but they solemnly 
marched to church arm in arm, lest the 
devil should seek to overthrow the good 
effect of the prayer and reading. Some- 
how or other there seemed to be a men- 
tal telepathy system established be- 

41 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


tween them. Neither mentioned the 
name of Nancy, yet each knew the other 
knew what he was thinking about. 

Mr. Hezekiah Wigglesome led the 
way up the aisle to the seat next to the 
front one. The choir was singing the 
opening anthem. 

Heedless of this fact Mr. Wigglesome 
called in an audible whisper to his wife, 
who was just entering the door: 

“Hurry up, Mrs. Annette Prig, my 
dear wife and helpmate. You enter the 
bench first. Now Patrick Ebenezer, 
Mayeah Etheah Agethah, George Wash- 
ington, — and stop chewing your coat 
and don’t stumble over anything and 
sit still, — now Isabella Carolina. Move 
closer, can’t youse all? I don’t want 
to have to put in so much money, and 
every bench we take we have to pay for. 
I’ll hold Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha 
on my knees. Here, you twins and No 

42 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Name, sit on the front seat, ’cause it’s 
free up there.” 

No arrangement could have suited 
the twins better. Everything comes to 
those who wait, as it did to them on 
that bright, sunny morning. They had 
planned the night before to use great 
stratagem to sit on the mourners’ bench. 
Fate seemed to be kind to them. 

After another hymn and prayer, the 
contribution basket was passed. The 
elders did not notice the twins put in 
their mite at the last minute. 

As the dignified Mr. Harry Diesoon 
arose to give thanks for the offering, he 
glanced down into one of the baskets. 
The congregation saw his eyes bulge in 
surprise 

“Snakes!” he cried in horror. 

The elders rushed to the basket. 
Nothing except a few envelopes and 
some loose change was in it. As they 

43 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


started back to their seats Mr. Harry 
Diesoon looked at the other basket. 
He grew pale with terror. 

“Snakes!” he yelled, throwing up his 
hands and backing across the pulpit. 

On examination, nothing was found. 
The congregation was shocked at the 
pastor’s conduct, except possibly Bel- 
shazzar Alexander and Gulliver Mun- 
chausen. In each boy’s pocket snug- 
gled a green tree-snake tied with a thin 
green string. 

Mr. Harry Diesoon’s eyes met those 
of the twins. He recognized them 
instantly, but they looked so innocent, 
each with his arms folded across his 
breast, that his suspicion passed. He 
rubbed his head in perplexity, while the 
choir sang “ Shout the Tidings.” 

As he turned to seat himself on his 
high pulpit chair he stumbled backward 
and nearly fell. 


44 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“Snakes,” he screamed again. 

Two elders rushed to his side. No 
snake was there, as another one rested 
in Belshazzar Alexander’s pocket. A 
serious look came over Mr. Harry Die- 
soon’s face as he was led from the pulpit. 
A visiting minister with a deep, thunder- 
like voice was invited to fill the place. 

In a voice that was rolling and 
theatrical, or high and trembling, the 
visiting minister rendered such a ser- 
mon as the aristocratic residents of the 
town never forgot. No indeed, for 
when he reached the end, he cried: 

“One thing more, brethren, rob 
neither the living nor the dead, lest you 
fall into the hands of the Evil One.” 

No Name jumped as though a can- 
non had exploded near him. Terror- 
ized he cried : 

“ Oh, Mister, I didn’t mean to. Don’t 
let the devil get me.” 

45 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


For once the twins were astonished 
as much as the church people. Gul- 
liver Munchausen was the first one to 
recover. 

“He will, though,” he whispered, 
“unless you holler ‘Glory Hallelujah’ 
three times.” 

He had no sooner said the words than 
No Name, jumping upon the seat, fol- 
lowed the advice. 

Down from the pulpit came the 
minister. Seizing the frantic boy he 
demanded an explanation. 

“Oh,” cried No Name, “I didn’t 
have any name, so I stole one off the 
tomb of a dead man. I didn’t know 
that the devil would get me. Honest, 
I didn’t.” 

“ What name did you take, my son ?” 

“Bosom of Abraham Wigglesome,” 
No Name sobbed. 

The people laughed and all agreed 
46 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


that the Wigglesomes were an impos- 
sible lot. 

Mr. Harry Diesoon arose and dis- 
missed the people. He was very anx- 
ious to have the pulpit searched, for 
he knew what he had seen. So did the 
twins. 

One would have thought that the 
twins would have had enough for one 
day, but not so. They had noticed 
Mrs. Flurry, a grass widow, who wore 
enormous fluffy puffs and a big corona- 
tion braid on her hair, making eyes at 
Patrick Ebenezer. They were not slow 
to conclude that she must be the Nancy 
of their brother’s prayer. 

At the close of the service they also 
noticed their eldest brother make for 
her side, and overheard him ask if he 
could take her sailing on the lake that 
afternoon. 

The town of Susanna was ambitious 
47 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


to be up to date in everything. The 
only natural water beauty the place 
could boast was a fish pond. As the 
ideas of the town grew, this pond was 
always referred to as a lake. Here it 
was that Patrick Ebenezer had con- 
ceived the idea of taking his lady-love 
for a sail. 

The eventful time arrived. Patrick 
Ebenezer, tightly holding Mrs. Flurry 
by the arm, descended the bank to the 
boat moored among the weeds. 

No one ever knew how he managed 
to get his boat there, and he never told. 
Well anyway, sitting near it were the 
twins calmly fishing. 

Patrick Ebenezer was so astonished 
that he nearly tumbled into the water. 
The twins turned in pleased surprise 
at the interruption to their fishing expe- 
dition, and politely tipped their caps. 

Mrs. Flurry was charmed at their 

48 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


gallantry, and told them so. A friend- 
ship was immediately commenced, very 
much to the chagrin of Patrick Eben- 
ezer, who desired to have her all to him- 
self. When the sail was adjusted the 
twins offered to assist her into the boat. 
With a smile she accepted. 

Of course it wasn’t the twins’ fault 
that Belshazzar Alexander tripped over 
a rope, drawing it so tight that it caused 
Mrs. Flurry to fall head foremost into 
the water. Neither was it Gulliver 
Munchausen’s fault that in his anxious 
efforts to assist his dear brother to arise 
Mrs. Flurry’s foot became tied fast. 

Patrick Ebenezer, finding it impos- 
sible to loosen the rope, made a dive at 
his lady-love’s head. Off came a mass 
of yellow puffs in his hand. He 
grabbed again. Off came a huge cor- 
onation braid. Half angrily, half tear- 
fully, he screamed: 

49 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“My God, Nancy, haven’t you got 
anything I can hold on to ?” 

“Try her leg and see if it comes off 
too,” yelled back Gulliver Munchausen. 

“But be careful and don’t get too 
near the grass widow, as you know 
you’re subject to hay fever,” Bel- 
shazzar Alexander advised, as he and 
his brother disappeared up the bank. 


50 


CHAPTER FIVE 


“ Mrs. Annette Prig, my dear wife 
and helpmate, where are you anyway?” 
called Mr. Hezekiah Wigglesome, ex- 
citedly rushing into the house. 

“Here, here I am,” answered Mrs. 
Wigglesome, hastily coming from the 
kitchen, her hands covered with flour. 

“ Patrick Ebenezer gets a holiday this 
afternoon. I’m goin’ over to school 
and get the kids. We will all dress up 
and go to see that high-falutin’ uncle of 
yourn on the hill, and — ” he stopped 
to draw a long breath, but as suddenly 
let it go at the expression on his wife’s 
face. 

“Well, I’ll be durned!” he exploded. 
“What’s the matter now?” 


51 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“Why Hezekiah Wigglesome, I’m 
making pies!” 

“Oh, hang the pies!” he angrily ex- 
claimed. 

The discussion ended. Mr. Wiggle- 
some marched off to school after the 
children, and Mrs. Wigglesome re- 
turned to her pies. 

Mrs. Wigglesome was a very wise 
woman. She had not lived with Heze- 
kiah for over twenty years for nothing 
and knew she had oceans of time. 
Sure enough, those pies were baked and 
cold before he put in an appearance. 
Mr. Wigglesome was one of those men 
who never knew just where he was 
going, but was always on his way. 

After an hour of scrubbing and comb- 
ing the Wigglesomes were ready to set 
out. Led by Mr. and Mrs. Hezekiah 
Wigglesome, then Patrick Ebenezer 
with Mayeah Etheah Agethah, next 

52 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


George Washington and Isabella Caro- 
lina, followed by the twins, they has- 
tened up the street. 

No Name — he had returned his name 
to the tomb — lagged behind the others 
with Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha. 

Mr. Wigglesome kept an ever-watch- 
ful eye, seeing to it that they kept in line 
and step. He often told his wife he 
knew he was intended for a great gen- 
eral, and wise Mrs. Wigglesome re- 
served her opinion. 

All obeyed their pop’s directions ex- 
cept George Washington. Some way 
or other everything always seemed to get 
in his way. When things didn’t, he 
was wont to stumble over his own feet. 

Finally the happy group reached a 
large stone house with wide verandahs 
around it. With exclamations of de- 
light they gave vent to their enthusiasm. 
The neighbors, thinking a circus or 

53 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


parade was passing, rushed to the win- 
dows to behold the show, nor were they 
disappointed. And when the Wiggle- 
somes turned into Mr. Benjamin Otto 
Prig’s beautiful lawn, their amazement 
knew no bounds. Such a craning of 
necks followed their manoeuvres that 
it equalled a matinee crowd when the 
hero is about to propose to the heroine. 

Mr. Prig, who chanced to be sitting 
near the window, heard the commotion 
and glanced out. One look was suffi- 
cient. 

His neighbors and friends called him 
a cold, dignified man, often comparing 
him to Greenland’s icy mountains. If 
they could have seen him just at that 
minute they would have thought that 
an avalanche was taking place. Quicker 
than thought the windows and doors 
of the entire house were fastened. Call- 
ing his aristocratic wife, Maria, they 

54 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


watched the procession in consterna- 
tion. 

On they came, until the yard, the 
verandahs and the very air seemed 
darkened with fantastic figures. It did 
not seem to make a bit of difference to 
them that the doors were not thrown 
wide at their approach. There were so 
many things to admire outside. Fi- 
nally, however, as no one appeared, the 
terrible truth dawned on them. No one 
was at home. 

The twins were not so easily bluffed, 
and started on a tour of investigation. 
They did not care how they gained ad- 
mittance, so long as they got in. 

First they tried the doors. All were 
fastened. Next the windows. Same 
result. Any one else would have de- 
cided it was time to leave. Not so 
with them. Instead they held a short 
consultation, and disappeared. 

55 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


It happened that Belshazzar’s eyes 
were sharper than those of all the other 
Wigglesomes together. In trying to 
raise a window he had seen the digni- 
fied Mr. Benjamin Otto Prig standing 
in the middle of a room holding fast to 
his terrified wife, their dear auntie. 
Immediately he confided his discovery 
to Gulliver Munchausen. 

Cautiously, and with as little noise as 
possible, they climbed up to the roof. 
Then they carefully opened a box which 
they had carried from home. Slipping 
up to the chimney they emptied the con- 
tents of the box down. A yell, a horri- 
fied scream and a curse followed. 

As Mr. Benjamin Otto Prig and his 
aristocratic wife, Maria, stood near an 
open fire-place a terrible yelling was 
heard descending the chimney. Al- 
most instantly an object covered with 
soot landed at their feet. Mrs. Prig 

56 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


drew back horrified, while the stately 
Mr. Prig cursed until he was blue in 
the face. By the way, that object was 
a skunk, and it had the time of its life 
flying around the room, until, more 
quickly than they had been closed, the 
doors and windows were flung open 
and it disappeared outside. 

In tripped the happy Wigglesomes, 
regardless of the means by which they 
had effected an entrance. They were 
an unusually sociable family, and made 
themselves at home without an invita- 
tion. They did not seem to realize how 
chilly the air turned, in truth, so cold 
one almost needed a wrap. But then 
the Wigglesomes were a sturdy lot. 

Mr. Hezekiah Wigglesome, after a 
hearty hand-shake — hearty on his side 
only — with his host, seated himself on 
the music cabinet and began the usual 
recital of his family’s accomplishments. 

57 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Mrs. Wigglesome felt it her duty to 
converse with Mrs. Prig, and kept 
wondering why they didn’t get on any 
better. 

Mayeah Etheah Agethah and Isa- 
bella Carolina had realized their am- 
bition at last. They knew that some- 
how country ways were different from 
city ways. At the first opportunity 
they had intended to explore city ways. 
Their chance had come. Slipping 
quietly away from the others they 
started on their expedition of discovery. 

The parlor was first surveyed. Sur- 
prised exclamations, followed by ohs 
and ahs, showed their appreciation. 
Long white things that you could see 
through hung at the windows. Flower- 
covered furniture stood on floors that 
looked like mirrors. A whole lot of 
little lamps hung on a stick from the 
ceiling. The funniest shaped dishes 

58 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


stood on the mantel. They looked like 
big bottles, only much prettier than 
those that came with catsup. 

On the other side of the hall they 
found the dining-room. Their aston- 
ishment knew no bounds. The strang- 
est things were everywhere. And what 
was more, at each place lay a napkin on 
a spotless white cloth. At one place 
was a tiny little cow-bell. 

Hearing footsteps they slipped up 
mirrored steps to the bedrooms. 

“Looky here, Isabella Carolina,” 
cried Mayeah Etheah Agethah, “ there’s 
two sheets on every bed.” 

“What!” was the incredulous re- 
sponse, as she hurried to examine the 
articles. 

Sure enough, upon close observation 
they found two sheets on each bed. 

“I heard mom say,” Isabella Caro- 
lina whispered, “ that Aunt Maria kept 

59 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


servants. I wonder where they are? 
I’ve looked in almost every box and 
drawer I could see.” 

“ Say, let’s make this bed up right, 
and then go and hunt for them. May- 
be they’re kept in the cellar.” 

It was no sooner said than done. Off 
came the flimsy sham and spread, while 
the sheets were placed on top. Feeling 
that they had conveyed a great lesson 
to their aunt they descended to the 
music room before they were missed. 

No Name had sat out in the hall ever 
since his arrival. He was studiously 
studying the great oil paintings on the 
wall. Mr. Lock had told him that if he 
worked hard perhaps he would some 
day be a great artist. How the idea 
made his heart beat! 

“Say, Ben,” Mr. Wigglesome arose 
from the sofa — he had tried every piece 
of furniture in the room — “I’m gosh 
60 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


dam hungry. Can’t you give a feller a 
bite to eat?” 

Furious at the proposal, Mr. Prig 
strode out into the hall. In the door- 
way he passed the two girls. Just out- 
side he ran into the twins. A little 
farther on he stumbled over Gwendolyn 
Matilda Jerusha. Out on the porch 
arrayed in his smoking jacket, sat 
Patrick Ebenezer, while dangling from 
the balustrade, his foot against the 
newel post, was George Washington. 
As he entered the dining-room his eyes 
fell on No Name, and he swore. The 
entire house seemed to be filled to over- 
flowing with his detested relations. 

“ What are you doing here ?” he 
angrily asked of No Name. 

Then, as the lad did not answer, his 
eyes followed the boy’s gaze. He was 
surprised to think a Wigglesome had 
any artistic taste. Little by little he 

61 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


drew the boy out, until No Name forgot 
to sulk and told of his ambition. 

“No Name,” bellowed Mr. Wiggle- 
some, “git!” 

And No Name got. 

The rest of the Wigglesomes fol- 
lowed Mr. Prig into the dining-room. 
They did not need to be told what to do, 
for, led by Patrick Ebenezer, they all 
fell to with marvelous appetites. Such 
a shoveling, chewing and smacking of 
lips Mr. Prig had never before seen or 
heard. Their mouths looked like so 
many bottomless pits to him — the more 
they put in the less filled they appeared 
to be. 

Mr. Prig turned to the butler and 
ordered him to bring the sugar. But 
at that moment each one of the Wiggle- 
somes desired sugar. When Mr. Wig- 
glesome finally obtained possession of 
the bowl he silently surveyed his plate. 

62 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“Wall,” he drawled, “I don’t see 
nothin’ to put this here sugar on, and as 
we’se always use ’lasses in our tea I 
guess I’ll take mine this way.” 

He thereupon proceeded to eat sev- 
eral mouthfuls from the bowl with the 
sugar-shell. Having gratified his taste, 
he shoved the spoon into the bowl and 
handed it to Mr. Prig. 

Mr. Prig silently pushed the bowl 
away, with a look of unspeakable dis- 
gust. 

The meal over, the guests calmly 
wiped their fingers on the table-cloth. 
Almost immediately they bade their 
host and hostess farewell, promising to 
come again real soon. 


63 


CHAPTER SIX 


One afternoon as Gwendolyn Matil- 
da Jerusha was returning from school 
a little Jewish boy called to her. She 
turned, and seeing who it was hurried 
faster. 

“ Wait a minute, little girl,” he cried 
running after her. 

Reaching her side he offered to carry 
her books. She gave them to him with 
a smile. 

“Say,” he confided, “I know where 
there’s a nest full of hornets. It’s the 
mostest fun to run them out of their 
nests. Come on and I’ll show you 
how.” 

“Mostest fun” lured Gwendolyn Ma- 
tilda Jerusha to follow. Taking the 

64 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


stick he gave her, she struck at the hor- 
nets. Her arms were not long enough 
and her stroke fell several inches short 
of the nest. It was the boy’s turn next. 
Standing on tip-toe he hit it a bang. 

Out came a swarm of buzzing, angry 
hornets. One stung him on the ear. 
Ashamed to cry before a girl he frantic- 
ally danced around in a circle. He 
stopped short. A brilliant idea had 
occurred to him. 

“ Say, little girl,” he cried, seizing her 
hand, “ let’s get married. My brother 
says it always hurts a fellow when he 
gets married. I’ve got my hurt, so 
come on.” 

“But yu’se is a ’ittle Jew boy,” she 
answered, drawing away. 

“I aint, neither,” he screamed, as 
the pain grew more intense. “My 
mamma’s a Jewess, my papa’s a Jew, 
but I’m a Dutchman, so come on.” 


65 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha was 
frightened at his violent demonstrations 
of love and turned to flee. The boy 
followed closely at her heels. Down 
the street they ran, screaming at the top 
of their voices. Reaching the Wiggle- 
some cottage they rushed pell-mell into 
the hall and burst into the parlor like 
a whirlwind. 

Seated on opposite sides of the room 
were Mayeah Etheah Agethah and 
Mr. Archie Lock. Regardless of Mr. 
Lock’s presence, the children rushed to 
Mayeah Etheah Agethah. 

“Oh! Oh!” sobbed Gwendolyn Ma- 
tilda Jerusha, “ ’at ’ittle boy’s a Jew an’ 
he wants tu mar’y me cause he’s dot a 
hurt.” 

The boy hung his head and ran from 
the room. Mr. Lock smiled and gath- 
ered Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha in his 
arms. To pick her up necessitated his 

66 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


crossing the room. By doing this he 
was able to draw a chair nearer Mayeah 
Etheah Agethah. 

“Has yu’se dot any ’ittle boy?” 
Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha lisped. 

“No, dear little girl,” he smiled. 

“ Well, why hasn’t yu ?” 

“Because I am not married,” he 
replied, and attempted to change the 
subject, as it brought back the remem- 
brance of the twins’ declaration on 
their first day at school. 

“ Why don’t yu’se mar’y ?” 

“For several reasons. One is that I 
might not agree with my wife.” 

“Pooh! ’at’s nothin’,” she scoffed. 
“Do ’ike pop an’ mom, just fight it 
outs.” 

“Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha,” a 
stern voice called from the adjoining 
room, “come out here immediately.” 

Mayeah Etheah Agethah flushed 

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THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 

painfully. She felt as if her efforts to 
make an impression on the handsome 
teacher would now be wasted. She 
knew her whole family were different 
from other people, and she blushed in 
mortification. 

“Mr. Lock,” she looked at him, try- 
ing to check back the tears, “you said 
you came to inform me about the twins 
and their deviltry. I am, oh, so sorry, 
but what can I do ? 

“I wish you could tell me what the 
matter is with us all. When we lived 
down in Hiram County we were like 
other folk. But somehow or other it’s 
very different here. I realize it, so does 
Isabella Carolina. Mother tells us she 
used to live like these town people 
before she married father. I don’t 
know what to do about it.” Her lips 
trembled piteously. 

Mr. Lock’s heart was touched 


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THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


deeply. A man’s heart generally is at 
a pretty maiden’s distress. Now if she 
had been a sour old maid, he never 
would have drawn his chair up so close, 
nor have taken her hand. That was 
the reason why he applied the golden 
rule so studiously for the next few hours. 

Perhaps that accounted for his long 
delay in returning to his boarding-house, 
where Mr. Samuel Fiske, the school 
board’s president, awaited him. Be- 
coming tired waiting, Mr. Fiske went 
to Mr. Wigglesome’s house to find him. 

At the door he was met by the twins. 
They informed him that the teacher was 
there, reserving the knowledge that he 
had led each of them home by the ear. 
Following their direction, Mr. Fiske 
entered the parlor unannounced. 

The sudden interruption startled Mr. 
Lock and Mayeah Etheah Agethah vio- 
lently. Nevertheless they were unable 

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THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


to separate, for neatly but firmly his coat 
sleeve was pinned with several safety 
pins, to her brand-new belt. Mr. Lock’s 
pity had increased at an alarming rate 
when he had seen tears in Mayeah 
Etheah Agethah’s pretty brown eyes. 
He never had realized how nice it was 
to console people before. But just at 
that minute his tongue was tied. 

The twins, meanwhile, peacefully 
strutted down the street, each rubbing 
a very red ear but with delightfully 
happy smiles on their faces. 


70 


CHAPTER SEVEN 


Isabella Carolina’s heart nearly 
ceased beating. A real puffing auto- 
mobile stopped outside the door. A 
man in a long coat hastily jumped out 
and entered the store. As she chanced 
to be alone she leisurely approached 
him, mentally congratulating herself 
on the fact that she was wearing her 
new blue cambric dress. When she 
saw it was a young man, who was also 
very good looking, she was gladder than 
ever. 

“Have you gasoline?” and he tipped 
his cap. 

“No, we don’t keep it,” she smiled 
fetchingly, at least fetch ingly enough to 
make the man linger half an hour. 

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THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Isabella Carolina did not think it a sin 
to flirt, and seized all the chances Fate 
switched onto her track. Ever since 
her coming to Susanna she had longed 
to meet a nice young man, and have a 
“steady.” The nice young men often 
glanced at her pretty face and plump 
girlish figure, remarking, “ What a 
stunner,” or “Gee whiz, who’s that?” 
But when her name was spoken a grin 
would pass over their faces. They had 
met her brother, Patrick Ebenezer, and 
did not care to extend their acquaint- 
ance in the Wigglesome direction. 

Patrick Ebenezer, while at the soda 
fountain one afternoon, had heard sev- 
eral men discussing the Lenox, a club 
to be organized on a certain evening. 
Mr. Benjamin Otto Prig being one of 
the leading members, Patrick Ebenezer 
felt free to stroll into the club rooms 
that certain evening. As he entered 
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THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


a unanimous vote was passed that all 
present should be enrolled as members. 
Patrick Ebenezer was delighted, but 
not so his astonished uncle, Mr. Prig. 

That was the reason Patrick Eben- 
ezer wore a Lenox pin, much to the 
amusement of the townsfolk and the 
proud delight of the Wigglesomes. 
They realized they had not been ad- 
mitted into the charmed circle of the 
elite in Susanna, and must butt in in 
some way. And Patrick Ebenezer had 
proved to be a first-rate butter. 

Isabella Carolina improved her time 
chatting and laughing with the young 
man. Mr. Phillips Whitby, for that 
was his name, did not think it a sin to 
flirt either. He liked her from the first. 
Isabella Carolina realized she was mak- 
ing a hit, and blushed or displayed her 
dimples whenever it was necessary. 

Suddenly a great blast from his auto- 

73 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


mobile horn caused him to make a 
hasty exit. He reached the door just in 
time to see his machine pull out. On 
the front seat sat the twins. Increasing 
their speed they waved to him and were 
gone. 

As luck had it another machine was 
standing across the street. Hastily 
jumping into it he followed. Down the 
road the two machines whizzed. The 
twins, seeing that they were pursued, 
opened wide the propeller, thoroughly 
enjoying themselves. 

Mr. Whitby ground his teeth in rage. 
A terrible noise sounded and the twins 
came to a standstill. Their tire had 
burst. Instantly Mr. Whitby was out 
of his machine with murder in his 
eyes. 

Grasping each boy by the collar he 
was about to butt their heads together 
when his knees grew weak. His eyes 

74 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


had fallen on the damaged machine, and 
he saw it was not his car. He had 
been in his own all the time. Furious 
at the trick played on him he turned to 
the boys. They were gone. Nothing 
remained for him to do but return and 
hunt up the other fellow. 

Jumping into his machine he started 
back up the road at a rapid gait. All 
was well until he reached the outskirts 
of the town. Another machine was 
advancing. In it sat Miss Janet Stone, 
his fiancee. He was about to raise his 
hat when something grabbed his legs. 
His hands flew up as he screamed, while 
his machine just missed Miss Stone’s. 
Instead his automobile bumped into a 
tree, and he was thrown out like a 
stone from a catapult. 

From beneath the back seat crawled 
the twins. Politely thanking him for 
his kindness in bringing them home 

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THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


they started across the fields. Under 
each arm they had a box and he knew 
those boxes held his future and his 
turtles. 

Mr. Whitby slowly arose, swearing 
loudly. He had made a fool of himself 
before Miss Stone, his machine was 
broken and his turtles were gone. He 
couldn’t make up his mind what to do, 
so he sat down again, nursing his wrath 
and thinking of his turtles. 

Now those turtles had a history. 
Mr. Whitby’s father and Miss Stone’s 
papa were partners in a wholesale house 
in Susanna, and both wished to 
strengthen the tie between them. 

As the years passed and Phillips and 
Janet grew up, their doting parents 
had conceived the idea of making a 
match between them. Phillips Whitby’s 
father swore and cursed until he pro- 
posed. On the other hand Miss Janet 

76 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Stone’s papa blustered and threatened 
until she accepted. Thus the love 
match was made. Incidentally, Janet 
was in love with a man in the East, and 
Phillips wished with all his heart she 
would marry the Easterner. 

Miss Janet Stone’s papa had a crav- 
ing for turtle soup. It seemed strange, 
but none could be found or bought near 
Susanna. 

In his ever-obliging way, Mr. Phil- 
lips Whitby offered to secure a few 
for his future papa-in-law. He had 
spent several days scouring the country 
and at last he had been able to buy 
three. Now they were gone. He knew 
his future papa-in-law well enough to 
know a scene would follow. And he 
cared so much that he fell to dreaming 
of Isabella Carolina’s dimples. 

His reverie was disturbed by a voice 
crying: 


77 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“There he is. Mister;” 

It was Gulliver Munchausen. Be- 
hind him and Belshazzar Alexander was 
an excited crowd of men. Some one 
yelled, “ Lynch him.” Others called, 
“thief,” “kidnapper” and “murderer.” 

Things had been lively during the 
past hour in Susanna. Several loafers 
had noticed a man dart from Wiggle- 
some’s store and jump into an auto. 
A few minutes later another man across 
the street called to them asking what 
had become of his machine. Wild ex- 
citement followed. 

In a few minutes Isabella Carolina 
was surrounded by a mob of men. 
She burst into tears and refused to di- 
vulge Mr. Whitby’s name. Just then 
the twins rushed into the store declaring 
the thief had attempted to kidnap them. 
With them as leaders, they started out 
to capture the villain. 

78 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


Mr. Phillips Whitby angrily de- 
manded to know what the crowd meant 
by such threats. The men were as- 
tonished when they saw who he was, 
and one by one sneaked off while Mr. 
Whitby explained the circumstances. 
The twins had disappeared. 

That night as Isabella Carolina re- 
tired, her heart and head felt so light 
that she disrobed in the dark. Snug- 
gling down beneath the covers she in- 
tended to dream of Phillips Whitby, 
when something grabbed her toes. 
With a terrified scream she jumped out 
of bed. 

Down the stairs she flew, and into 
the parlor, where, in her excitement, she 
had forgotten Mayeah Etheah Agethah 
was entertaining Mr. Lock. By the 
way, he came often to console Mayeah 
Etheah Agethah. Consolation seemed 
one of his accomplishments, and one 
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THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 

that Mayeah Etheah Agethah enjoyed 
very much. Isabella Carolina burst in, 
yelling frantically, with a turtle hanging 
to her toe. 

Mr. Lock gallantly rose to the occa- 
sion. Suppressing his laughter as much 
as possible, he jerked the turtle off. It 
seemed to be his fate to assist the 
Wigglesomes in many ways. 

Poor Isabella Carolina! There were 
no more blissful dreams for her that 
night. Life was real, life was earnest, 
and it seemed not so sublime with the 
sting of turtle bites a-paining all the 
time. 


80 


CHAPTER EIGHT 


“Pe’se, Mister,” it was Gwendolyn 
Matilda Jerusha, “did yu’se see a mans 
or womans a-lookin’ fo’ a ’ittle dirl? 
Cause if yu’se did I’se ’at ’ittle dirl.” 

Mr. Benjamin Otto Prig looked down 
into the trusting blue eyes upraised 
to his. Her little lips and chin quiv- 
ered in an unmistakable manner. He 
stooped to gather her in his arms, for 
he had recognized her as one of the 
Wigglesomes. She was dressed in a 
dainty lawn slip, and looked very neat 
and dear. 

The entire Wigglesome family had 
undergone a surprising change. May- 
eah Etheah Agethah deserved a great 
deal of praise for the improvement. 

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THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


She had been quick to notice their 
oddity, and had set about to remedy 
their faults. She observed the towns- 
people closely, noting wherein her fam- 
ily differed. 

Many a night, after the others were 
asleep, she lay awake planning re- 
forms. Like a general with all odds 
against him, she rushed into the thick- 
est of the fray, determining to do or die. 
She did not die, but gradually won first 
one point and then another. 

The change was soon apparent to 
outsiders. Even Mr. Hezekiah Wiggle- 
some had improved. He had been ad- 
monished so often by his daughters not 
to interfere in their affairs that in de- 
spair he took to politics. 

With the assistance of Isabella Caro- 
lina he had worked up a big. trade. 
George Washington was soon put into 
the store, and Isabella Carolina took 


82 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


up the study of music, as befitted a lady. 

Mr. Prig, still carrying Gwendolyn 
Matilda Jerusha, rapped at the door 
of the Wigglesome cottage. Mayeah 
Etheah Agethah opened the door and 
welcomed him with such easy grace 
that he almost dropped Gwendolyn 
Matilda Jerusha in his astonishment. 

One by one the family drifted in to 
chat with him, each bringing a new 
surprise. It was a very different ap- 
pearing group from the one he had seen 
six months ago. He almost believed 
his eyes were playing him a trick, they 
were so changed. 

It had been several months since 
Patrick Ebenezer had been seen at the 
club. Presently he entered. His con- 
ceit and snobbishness were gone. In- 
stead he appeared to be like any other 
young man of twenty-two. Common 
sense and Mayeah Etheah Agethah’s 

83 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


lectures had shown him he was not 
wanted at the club. Those lectures 
had been regular eye-openers to the 
whole family. She might have thought 
of becoming a lecturer had she not be- 
come engaged to Mr. Lock. 

“Mr. Wigglesome,” said Mr. Prig, 
“I came on an errand, but since my 
coming I am so surprised and pleased 
at the remarkable change in your fam- 
ily, I scarcely dare propose my plan. 

“When you were all up on the hill 
that day I was under the impression 
that you would willingly give No Name 
to me. I took a liking to the lad. 
Several times since then he has been up 
to see me. We have never mentioned 
any of you in our conversation. But 
No Name seems very happy now.” 

The family were all silent. They 
felt ashamed of their former treatment 
of No Name. Not until Mr. Lock had 


84 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


taught them better did they realize 
what a sunny little lad he was. He had 
lost his surly looks and insolent man- 
ner, while each one had grown to love 
him dearly. 

“Wall, Mr. Prig,” Mr. Wigglesome 
replied, “ me wife is a good old hen who 
loves all her chicks. I guess there’s 
nothing doing here.” 

“Of course not,” Mr. Prig passed his 
hands over his eyes, “ but say, Patrick, 
I need a secretary. Would you like the 
position ?” 

Patrick Ebenezer’s heart very nearly 
turned over with joy. The work at the 
soda fountain he detested. It meant a 
great lift in more ways than one, and he 
gladly embraced the chance to become 
a private secretary. 

As soon as Mr. Prig left, the family 
began discussing No Name. It was 
time, they decided, that the boy should 

85 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


be named. For how could he ever 
be anything without a name ? 

“Name him Beelzebub,” shouted 
Belshazzar Alexander. Neither he nor 
his brother had changed much, but 
were the same little mischief breeders. 

“ Naw,” cried Gulliver Munchausen, 
“call him Bricktop. “Say, sis,” he 
continued, “are you and that guy who 
busted his auto last night in love?” 

Isabella Carolina blushed furiously. 
The question brought back vivid recol- 
lections of the turtle dance. 

“Oh, shut up!” ordered George 
Washington, who had learned how to 
walk without falling over his own 
shadow, and who now only chewed 
ground coffee. 

“Well anyway,” Isabella Carolina 
confided to the family, “I guess I have 
made an impression, for I saw him walk 
by the house once this morning.” 

86 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“I want a name,” interrupted No 
Name, “ and I want one quick.” 

“Archie’s a pretty name,” suggested 
Mayeah Etheah Agethah. She was 
furious because the family laughed. 

“ The most popular fellow down 
town,” Patrick Ebenezer observed, “ is 
called Sheath.” 

“Yes, but,” No Name whimpered, 
“whatever a feller’s named after, he is. 
And Sheath walks bow-legged. And I 
just know I couldn’t pretend I was 
warped all the time.” 

Mrs. Wigglesome now spoke up. 

“ I like the name of ‘ Commodore.’ ” 

“I won’t be a common old door 
either,” answered No Name, much ag- 
grieved. 

“Tall ’ims ‘Be Gosh,’” suggested 
Gwendolyn Matilda Jerusha, and ran 
from the room at the laugh that fol- 
lowed. 


87 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


“ Wall, I’ll tell ye what’s the matter,” 
and Mr. Wigglesome slapped his knee 
with the air of one who has suddenly hit 
upon a brilliant idea. “I always had 
a hankerin’ after the name of ‘Tuber- 
culosis,’ it’s so mellow and music-like.” 

He winked at his wife in a knowing 
way, positive his name would meet with 
a burst of applause. Instead the room 
seemed suddenly filled with upturned 
noses. “Wall, then, how’s ‘Appendi- 
citis ?’ ” But his suggestion was ig- 
nored completely. 

The ringing of the door-bell broke 
up the discussion. No Name was still 
without a name. It was Mr. Harry 
Diesoon, the minister, who had been 
invited to tea. In a minute the bell 
rang again. This time it was Mr. 
Phillips Whitby. Isabella Carolina 
was delighted, and asked him to stay to 
supper also. 


88 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


The first course nearly took Mr. 
Whitby’s breath away. It was turtle 
soup. It recalled a scene he had passed 
through a few minutes before. When 
he had returned to his prospective 
papa-in-law’s minus turtles, he was 
plainly told he eould never hope to lead 
Janet to the altar. A great sense of 
relief had come over him, for he still 
remembered Isabella Carolina’s dim- 
ples. Straightway he had come to 
view them again. 

“ Say, Mr. Diesooner or Later,” 
Gulliver Munchausen asked, “do you 
like the flavor of this soup ?” 

“Yes,” frowned the minister. 

“Well, I guess it’s Isabella Caro- 
lina’s toes” — but a frown from Mayeah 
Etheah Agethah cut short further in- 
formation from that source. 

Then Belshazzar Alexander let loose. 

“You see we put it in her bed. 

89 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


When she went to bed she went in the 
dark, ’cause she was dreaming soft 
things about that guy over there beside 
her. Well, the darned old thing bit like 
sin, and she yelled like an Injun, and 
I’ll be cussed if she didn’t go right down 
in her night dress and ask the school 
flogger, who was kissing Mayeah Eth- 
eah Agethah — I know ’cause I was 
under the sofa — to take it off, and—” 

Before he could add more, Mr. 
Wigglesome took a hand and danced 
both culprits from the room in disgrace, 
with a one, two, three, kick-step. 

Mr. Phillips Whitby nearly swal- 
lowed his bowl trying to put out an 
internal explosion. As it was, in his 
excitement he put pepper on his bread 
and salt in his tea. 

“ Please, Mister,” No Name turned to 
him, “get me a name.” 

“How would my name do?” he 

90 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 


asked Isabella Carolina, for want of 
something better to say. 

“Oh, I’d just love it,” she blushed. 

He blushed too. No Name was still 
without a name. 

Belshazzar Alexander stuck his head 
in the doorway. Making a face at No 
Name, he cried: 

“ Say, Mr. Sky Pilot, that there 
sucker wants a name. Why don’t you 
give him one, but don’t call him Snakes 
or Turtle Soup.” 

“I’ll tell you what,” chimed in Gul- 
liver Munchausen, “ call him Pumpkin 
Head or Galliniper.” 

Mr. Harry Diesoon rose from the 
table. The twins instantly disap- 
peared. His intention was not to 
chase them, however, but to name No 
Name. Raising his hands, he asked 
that each should pray and perhaps a 
name would be revealed through 

91 


THE THOUSAND LEGGERS 

prayer. At last a great light spread 
over his face. The inspiration had 
come. Laying his hand on No Name’s 
head, he cried: 

“ I christen thee Michael Angelo The 
Second Wigglesome, which means that 
you shall one day be a great artist. I 
prophesy that when your fame is at its 
height you will paint the devil casting 
two imps, Belshazzar Alexander and 
Gulliver Munchausen, into the fiery 
furnace, while snakes and turtles shall 
round them abound. Then indeed 
will they apply their last name and 
Wigglesome.” 

At last No Name had a name. 


92 



JUN IS 1900 




